Seemu Diaries

A day I will cherish forever

2011-12-19T03:37:00.000-08:00

17th December, 2011: A day I will cherish forever.

Happiness comes when you least expect. Inspiration comes when you least expect. Success comes when you least expect. Appreciation comes when you least expect. I guess... all good things in life have the most value and leave you beaming with joy when it comes to you as a surprise when you are not expecting it. Such was this day for me.

Back in June, a colleague of mine sent me a mail, as he had to all the others in our organization, regarding a literary competition being held by the Bankers Club of Greater Kochi. Poetry, Short Story and Essay were the three categories. I fished out 2 of my poems from this blog and gave it to him. He made me fill some form and then it was long forgotten. I hardly remembered or enquired about it. Just went on with my life as usual.

And then on a Sunday in December when I was lazing around at home I got a call. The man on the other end asked, "Is this Ms. Seema"? I replied with a "yes". And then what he told me took me a while to sink in... I felt like someone had hit me on my head and made me forget everything. I had won the poetry competition. Slowly I started to recall about the entry. And then I had a huge grin on my face. I fumbled around, unable to find words. I finally blurted out a thank you and then he said you are going to receive the award in the midst of a huge gathering of bankers and politicians. And then I felt that same "hit on the head" feeling. It all felt like a dream and I nearly pinched myself to see if I was really awake.

The next few hours were spent in grins and calls to my loved ones as my parents watched me with even bigger grins on their faces. My husband was overjoyed. 17th December 2011 was when I would receive the award and it felt as though days weren't moving. My mother pulled out my best dress and added some finishing touches of her own, she wanted it to be a perfect day for me and it indeed turned out to be.

When the day arrived my husband dropped me at the venue. At the event the best banks and bankers received their awards, the business man of the year was awarded and honoured. And during that I eagerly waited for my moment. My husband, as excited as I was kept texting me on the progress. So did my sister. And then I was called. The same silly grin on my face, I walked up to the stage. Respected Dr. BR Shetty handed me the award with our organization's beloved Country Head besides me.

I had the same feeling I used to get back in school when I received a prize in between hundreds of students and teachers clapping for me. I do not know how else to explain that feeling. Thank you God, a million times. I'm indebted to you for life.

Confused

2011-10-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

Here I stand, knowing not which path to choose.
I pray in silence, for fear of what I might lose.

What is time, if not what we lose?
What is life, if not what we choose?

Once chosen, that path we tread,
Sometimes in faith, sometimes in dread.

There's no turning back, time rushes by,
Forward we move, clasping dreams high.

Old is New to some...

2010-10-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

We shall soon be moving to our new apartment... November to be precise.

I had already begun to clean and pack things. There are some clothes of mine that are worn out or don't fit any more.

How choosy we humans are about the stuff we wear. But not all humans my friends... not all.

I have a maid at home to take care of my baby boy when I leave for work. The moment she heard me and my mother speak about these old clothes she said, "Please don't throw them away! I'll take them all... there are many who need it where I stay".

Each dress I set aside I saw her eyes widen, "You actually don't wear that?! That's such a good dress!"

I looked at it and only saw an old worn out dress, but to her it was pretty.

I somehow felt some pain... there was a person who was ready to accept the clothes used by someone else. How lucky we are. Would we ever take away someone else's old clothes? Just minds full of arrogance, why would I wear that old stuff when I can afford good ones of my own!

I kept aside some really good dresses as well, pretended not to like them. The next day she came home and said, "When I opened the bag everyone just pounced in, there isn't a dress left to be claimed!"

I was happy and at the same time somehow I feel sorry.

Feelings

2010-07-27T04:06:00.000-07:00

When everything goes wrong,
It's tough to stay strong.
Stumbling with each step taken,
Cherished dreams forsaken.

They say sunshine follows the rain,
But it isn't enough to take away the pain.
The hurt; the tear,
Caused by someone so dear.
The agony of lonliness,
A feeling of numbness.

Tooth Scary?

2010-07-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

Of late the Tooth Scary is giving me frequent visits. She leaves me crinkling my nose and sticking my tongue where my so called "wisdom" tooth is supposed to come up.

God, how I wish I didn't have that much wisdom!

A year back or so I had my left wisdom tooth examined by my friend (the only dentist I am not terrified of) and she had cut my gums for the struggling tooth to painlessly come out (at least that's what she said) and also she chipped the top portion of the tooth so that it wouldn't press against my top gums and create a problem.

Further digging into my mouth and teeth made her exclaim, "O No!", and that was it. I could hear my heart pound, "Whaaash issh ich", I asked, the hook still in my mouth.

"Dear, your wisdom tooth has no place to come out, it's growing into your jaw bone. Things are going to get worse if you don't get it plucked".

I wished I had never heard that. I think my face went white because she added, "For now what I have done is fine. If ever it reoccurs, get it plucked".

Thank you doc! Now that's better news! The local anesthesia wouldn't let me grin. I thanked her and went home.

But now my right tooth has started tantrums, "Let me out! Let me out!", it seems to say.

I messaged my sister who had recently taken out all four of her wisdom teeth and lived to tell the brave story. "My wisdom tooth is creating problems again", I said.

She calls me "bee". She replied, "Take it out bee before it gets worse. I had all four plucked, remember?"

I had just one reply to give, "You are brave. But bee will pee. Dentists are really "dent"ists. They create dents in your mouth as well as your pockets!"

My dear tooth please be a good tooth. Don't hurt me and u can live in there peacefully. Else someone's gonna pluck you out and that's the end of your life... or rather... mine!

Special

2010-06-11T00:59:00.000-07:00

Special is the kind of word,
So often said, so often heard.
But it does what it’s meant to do,
When it’s describing special you.

I drop my baby boy with my mom before walking to the bus stop to board the usual bus that takes me to my office. Today like every other day I did the same.

As I walk my eyes constantly search for that special someone. My heart feels heavy, where is that special person? That smile? Nowhere in sight. I somehow feel very sad. My day will not be the same if I don’t see that person.

Wondering whom I’m talking about. I’m talking about Kavitha, the special child in my neighbourhood. Innocent, always smiling and special. That’s what she is to me. I would never ever refer to her as retarded.

As I start from home I turn back and look to see if she is coming. If she sees me from far she smiles and runs as fast as she can to catch up. She needs help to cross the road, the road where drivers mercilessly speed away without any concern for the pedestrians.

I hold her hand and she hangs on, a firm clasp. I watch the road cautiously and take her along to the other side where again she smiles at me and waits for her school bus to come.

Today I couldn’t find her anywhere. I sadly crossed the road and waited for my bus. Few minutes later I saw her coming. She reached the end of the road and looked to the left, then to the right. I saw her face, scared and anxious. She saw me across the road and smiled. I didn’t wait a second longer. I darted across the road to her and held her hand. She grinned. Then slowly we walked across the road.

Happy and relaxed I said bye to her and boarded my bus. Tomorrow I shall meet her again. That special person who makes my day.

Agent Seema is born :)

2010-03-10T02:24:00.001-08:00

Alice... yeah that was her name. The first maid to be sent to my home from the home nursing agency we had registered at. Assigned mainly to take care of my darling boy, Darshan, and then manage house work. 2 days went fine, 3rd day onwards I realised Alice was getting nowhere. She showed no interest in taking care of Darshan and started making excuses of visiting her sick mother.

And then came the next replacement, Suma. She was in her late 50s. Seemed an age capable of tackling kid power. Hmm. A day later I realised she was indeed capable of tackling... not kid power but valuable things.

My mother's bangle went missing from right under her nose. While she searched for it Suma came up to her, "What are you searching for?" Mother replied, "O just a bangle. Thankfully it isn't gold. just gold coloured. Even if I lose it I'd lose just 30 rupees... doesn't matter."

By evening my mother found the bangle from behind Dashan's biscuit tin placed on top of the kitchen shelf. When asked Suma replied she had found it while sweeping and had kept it there. That set my detective brain working... dare to fool around with Agent Seema? Would a person who can barely reach the shelf keep what she found while sweeping on the rack on top of the shelf? Possible that she kept it there when she realised it wasn't gold or initially kept it there to take it along when she left.

That issue ended there. Then came the next day. Things were about to get worser.

I was at work when I got a call from my mother, "Hello... your maid just came here. Said she had some cooking to do and then visit the medical store."

I stay just a block away from my parents place and leave Darshan there before coming to work. Till Darshan would get comfortable with the maid he and the maid were to stay with my mother.

A little later my mother called again, " The maid is back. She told me a lady and a kid had come to your place asking for your previous maid who had told them to come meet her. While she was talking to the lady it seems the kid entered your home and played pranks". I was furious, how dare she let strangers into my home!

I asked my mother to give the phone to the maid and I asked her, "How on earth can you let this happen. If you don't know the person why did you let them in. Would you pay for any damage caused? Just because they claim to know my previous maid how can you believe it?"

She was disturbed. The reply I got was, "I have some grinding to do".

That set Agent Seema's brain working again. Was that a reply from a clean mind?

She had come home with just one key. The other one wasn't there. She had told my mother that the kid had tried sticking the door key into our cupboard and so she left the key there. I wondered which kid was more interested in my cupboard than toys!

A vague picture came to my mind. It was a plot. I called up my previous maid and she didn't know anything about a lady and kid who would want to meet her. She had asked no one to come. Hmm. I called up my mother and informed. I could hardly concentrate on my work after that. What just happened?

Then the truth unfolded. We have 2 sets of keys. Each set has our door key and a tiny key that belonged to the lock we put on the gate. All we used was the main door key. The tiny one was never used. That set crook Suma's mind wondering what the 2nd key was for... where did it belong? She had tried it on our cupboard and it got stuck. A frantic Suma pulled and tugged at the key, in vain. She twisted the key chain ring and removed the main door key from it leaving the tiny key still in our cupboard, Before going to my mother's place she created a crime scene by scattering Darshan's toys here and there and toppling a bucket of water to show a kid did it. What poor Suma didn't realise is that her brain was no match for Agent Seema's :P

Which 6 year old kid could make a key chain ring like this guys and gals? Wow amazing strength that kid had, huh?!

My father threatened to take her to the police and she started her drama. My father warned her, went straight to the agency and complained. She was called back and now we have our 3rd maid. God knows what awaits us next!

Suma, suma... lady you were a fool. A fool who tried to steal without even the basic of common sense. You could have tried telling a believable age for this so called kid, 6 years, you got to be kidding me! We doubted you once and yet you were restless and adamant to steal without thinking what would happen. But then, whether you had brains or not or whether you had tried out a foolproof plan, you are no match for Agent Seema! :P

God, these escape games and detective games have really helped me... Agent Seema... I love it! :D

Web Designing can be trendy too!

2009-11-12T23:04:00.001-08:00

In this modern age setting new trends seems to be what people pursue. If trendy and stylish living is the mantra these days why not bring it to the web world too?

We all have come across websites that totally personify "mess"! Mammoth sized text, a rainbow of colours and seemingly never ending content make the surfer even forget why he was there in the first place. Today's surfers are quickly scared off by such websites. They click away from these sites even faster then they arrived.

But there are en number of sites designed by experts that actually do justice to surfers. They are aware of the inevitable fact that web designing is not about overcrowding or punishing the page with excessive content and colours. Any one can make dorky websites. But making a clean, professional looking webpage takes pure skill and knowledge.

Designing must be a treat to the eyes and soul. Good designers are not afraid of white or blank space. Even while working with bright colours they make it a point to leave the backgrounds neutral or soothing. The bright colours are reserved for limited number of images and headlines that need to be attention-grabbing.

According to a research conducted by the BBC, the brain is reported to make a decision within just 20 seconds of viewing a webpage. So its either "impress" or "drive away". Which is your pick?

Websites today are biased towards simple 1 or 2 column layouts. Simplicity is a major factor. Making the eye wander aimlessly could be rather disturbing. The approach must be focused and planned. The visitor should be guided through the site with ease. Bombarding him with irrelevant messages thrown around the page might discourage him from accessing the site again. And know what, people actually don't mind scrolling down if they feel the information there is valuable enough.

Web designers might have talent and creativity that others might not. But showing off that talent on a webpage might just be a turn off. Intricate Flash designs may be catchy when you are browsing just for leisure. But how often do you hit that "Skip Intro" button on your screen when you were hastily or importantly searching for relevant help or content? Not all users support such technology, some might even feel like pulling out their hair on visiting a site and being told they don't have the proper software to display it.

Using images and neat, correct sized icons in separating or organizing content might just be apt in delivering the message in an easily understandable manner. Accurate use of delicate gradients, 3D effects, reflections and fades are like toppings on a dessert. But overdoing it can equally confuse the surfer.
Pages must download quickly, else the surfer might opt for another site. Every page needs to look like it belongs to the same site. Repetitive elements assist in that. Update your site whenever necessary.

Whereas a couple of years ago, you'd find a lot of liquid layouts and left-aligned fixed-width layouts, today content goes in the centre of the screen.

Leave apart the design, the font, font size and colour play a major role in beautifying the page. Text must not be oversized or too tiny. Keep the site's audience in mind. Bold and big fonts must be limited to important headings or titles. Cluttering a page with a variety of fonts causes debasement. Limit it to a font or two throughout the website.

Weave the design around the content, not the other way around. Concentrate on communicating, not disastrous decorating. There is no better achievement than that.

It's easy to attract surfers. What's difficult is to make them come back.

Entrepreneurship

2009-11-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

The dictionary defines an Entrepreneur as a "person who undertakes a commercial venture" or a "contractor acting as an intermediary". The very meaning of an entrepreneur can be derived from the word itself.
Envisage
Negotiate
Think out of the box
Revitalize business
Efficiency
Perceive opportunities
Research
Economical
Nimble
Empirical
Undertaking ventures
Risk management

It may seem easy to kick-start a venture but to keep it moving one requires leadership and managerial skill. Knowledge on what people require and how to deliver it to them is a must. The milestones along the path to successful entrepreneurship include a vigilant mind to look out for opportunities, extraordinary sense of luck, making a good impression on people and using one's potential to the maximum.

The dramatic ups and downs in today's business world are unpredictable. Each day brings a new surprise.

The entrepreneur must be capable of playing multiple roles. When s/he starts a business s/he might have to do the role of a sales person, accountant, manager, financier and secretary, all at the same time. This might be a reason why some new ventures don't make it to the top. Even if the entrepreneur has an assistant or an extra staff the work doesn't get easier.

When one owns a business s/he may have to roll the dice with money, reputation, career and security on the line to make it successful. The entrepreneur must take responsibility for success, failure and all facets of the venture.

The risk taking entrepreneur often experiments with methods that fly in the face of already established trends. What others may view as threats may be opportunities for him. Its a "survival of the fittest" world. So his/her success depends on how competitive s/he is.

Unlike some talents, entrepreneurship is not something that you are gifted with on birth. It is something that is developed over time with effort and focus. The mind of an entrepreneur never rests; there is a constant search for the "New". New products, new methods, new markets, new technology and so on.

There are 2 kinds of entrepreneurs. The opportunity-based ones and the necessity-based ones. The former pursues entrepreneurship as an active career choice whereas the latter opts for it due to mere compulsion to earn a living.

Entrepreneurship could also refer to picking up pieces of an already shattered business and giving it new life and vigour. The entrepreneur must recognize where the downfall has occurred and make steps to amend it. Being entrepreneurial simply means developing the right skills, attitudes and initiatives to make an innovative contribution to an organization.

There are certain things an entrepreneur should always remember. No product will survive without customers. Customer is the King. Evaluate ideas and see how it is useful for customers. An entrepreneur should never think about past failures. S/he should learn from mistakes. Accept new ideas. An entrepreneur must be far-sighted. S/he is better off if S/he has a good team, commitment and faith. The entrepreneur must practice learning valuable tips from peers, employees and customers to look at things differently or innovatively.

There are both economic as well as social advantages in entrepreneurship. A new business paves the way towards new jobs and opportunities thereby having a multiplying effect on the economy. And socially, this out of the box thinking has the power to integrate developing countries, empower citizens and change mindsets.

A person who becomes an entrepreneur undergoes a process of grooming. He not only earns but also learns. Unlike a person who is employed, an entrepreneur learns what to do and what not to. The knowledge and skill he develops through this risky venture are assets for a lifetime. He becomes capable of reaping profit from dream seeds.

The once under rated entrepreneurship has now become a thing to value. The higher the levels of entrepreneurship in the nation, the higher is its level of development.

Modest Magnificence

2009-11-12T22:58:00.000-08:00

Modesty, peace and discipline begin at home. This seems to be the motto the United State's first coloured President, Barack Obama seems to firmly believe in. His wife, First Lady Michelle Obama, daughters Malia Ann and Natasha (called Sasha) and himself always make it a point to be together as a family even when their plates are full.

Their simple game of "Roses & Thorns" during dinner keeps the family updated on the Roses (good incidents) and the Thorns (troubling ones) each member has gone through during the day.

The 44th President of the United States is proud that he has never missed a single parent-teacher meet during the elections and makes sure that his children are treated as normally as the others. They have access to the net, video games and ipod at home but are never allowed to carry a cell phone to school where it is strictly not allowed.

Recently the Newspapers have been blaring out the news of the President winning the Nobel Peace Prize. The news seems to have come as a huge surprise to the world at large.

Obama's message of hope had touched millions of ordinary folks initially. Then why now does everyone want to throttle the President as if it were his fault that he was the chosen one within just 265 days in the Oval Office?

Before wrinkling your eyebrows, showing a fist and raising clamourous reactions ever thought about the other side?

What was the US under the rule of George Bush? Barack Obama is definitely not another George Bush. Isn't that qualification enough? He is everything George Bush wasn't. While Bush envisioned the US as a gory battlefield ever in the shadows of enemies, Obama had already seen a new way forward with the international community even before he entered the White House.

Let us not turn the topic to Bush. This isn't about Bush, this is what Obama stands for. The marvellous award might have come to him a wee early in his young age but does being young and different and having new ideas disqualify a person?

He has given a new face to power. From thrusting a complete ban on nuclear weapons, ordering the closure of the Guantanamo Bay war on terror camp which has well tarnished the US reputation, banning CIA secret prisons abroad and use of torture in terror interrogations to confronting the ever increasing pressure a young President needs to confront in a world of plunging economy and insecurity, Barack Obama has done it all.

Progress is visible in people's lives, bank accounts and stock market related pension funds. A well-run transition has melded smoothly into the business of governing.

The ever so modest Obama has accepted the magnificent Nobel Peace Prize by adding, "I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many transformative figures that have been honored by this prize," he said. "I will accept this award as a call to action, a call for all nations to confront the challenges of the 21st century."

Hope is what won him the Presidential seat, hope is what keeps him going. He has been trying hard all the way towards creating a better world. He might not be there yet but he has at least started.

From Senator to President, Barack Obama has given his best shot to pass all groundbreaking lobbying and criticism. Was someone out there expecting that World Hunger, poverty and problems could be solved in a day or a week or even a year? Then why did no one do it before? Barack Obama stressed that "Change is Hard" and "Big Change is Harder". Sometimes hope can do miracles. So instead of sitting back and whining its about time people gave hope a chance, its about time people gave Obama a chance, its about time each individual took responsibility of making change happen.

Sometimes...

2009-06-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

It takes not days but years or may be a lifetime to know some people. Sometimes you could be wrong when you say you know someone very well. They might not be what they seem to be.

You know the person from childhood. You have spent loads of fun time together. You have laughed and cried together. Everything was perfect. At least you feel it was perfect. Years later the contact gradually fades away... you try to keep in touch although the other person doesn't. You try your best, you try in vain.

You can't understand what went wrong, you have done nothing wrong, you're sure of that. You spend hours and days and months and years trying to figure it out. But you end up with nothing. The question mark remains.

One day in another of your vain attempts you call up that person, that same person who was part of your life, whom you treated as your own blood relation.

The phone rings, it isn't picked. You try again, the line is engaged for may be more than an hour. You don't give up, you are eager to talk to that person who meant so much to you.

Finally you are called back. And the person asks, "Why did you call? Is there something urgent"?

You are hit, from deep within. You find yourself thinking, "Can I call only if there is something urgent"? The feeling haunts you. Its been more than 2 years since the last contact, that too just because you contacted.

The person continues, "What is it? Why did you call? I'm not a person who has no work. I'm busy. Why are you disturbing me". Coldly the words drown you. Tears well up and you find yourself saying, "Sorry. I'll take care never to disturb you again". You cut the call shocked, unable to move, hurt and tired.

Once in a while, life brings your way absolutely unfair situations. There may be moments when some wrong has been done to you and all you can do is to bear it helplessly not knowing what to do. Clenching your fists and grinding your teeth in private, you bury those wounds deep within.

May be the maximum you can do is vent it out by writing it as a blog...

This is life... sometimes good, sometimes devastating.

A tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson hasn't gone. He is alive, well and rocking in the hearts of people all over the world.

All the news pouring in about his dramatic death have erased away the accusations inflicted on him. Instead it has brought back memories of an evershining star. A kid who came and conquered millions of hearts, who dedicated his life to music, who wrote songs that will be cherished for all times, a moonwalker who hit the headlines and whom everyone was trying to imitate back then.

This blog does not mourn his death but celebrates his existence. His "Thriller" and "Beat it" were songs legions of people grew up with. His "Earth Song" and "Heal the World" were and will always be treasured.

The accusations against him were all cleared. He was vindicated in court. But by then it had already taken a toll on him. It brought him financial and mental anguish. The ruthless struggle took his life.

He is the star of a story. A story of a kid who came from nothing, grew up to be a showstopper and fought a battle against crooks who tried to reduce him to nothing again. Try as much they may, Michael Jackson will always be the King of Pop and the King of millions of hearts out there.

He was a genius who redefined music.

TO THE RESCUE

2009-06-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

When it comes to animals I’m always an emotional person. Some call me a fool but I don’t care. I find animals much more loving, caring and loyal than some humans.

As a kid I used to post letters to Ms. Maneka Gandhi if I ever saw any cruelty towards animals. And one of my most priced possessions is a letter I received from her as a reply to mine. She had sent me a membership form too but since I wasn’t earning then I didn’t join.

Today morning as I was walking to office something happened that made my day.

When I reached the Chick King outlet, a few feet away from my office, I heard a little kitten crying. I looked around, saw nothing. But somehow I was determined to see it. I searched around… that was when I saw one of the most adorable kittens ever! It was a white one, with tiny pebble like patches on its back. It was trapped. I found it hanging on the last rung of a gate. It was surrounded by water, huge puddles created by rain water. To it, the puddle was a sea.

I felt sorry for it. I approached it gently. A part of me was cautious because some kittens get awfully defensive if scared. They might hiss or scratch. But this little one was scared and it looked into my eyes as though asking for help. I extended my hand, still cautious, and caught it by the nape as its mother would do. I set it down on the pavement. For a minute it was confused… tried to run back into the water then stopped.

I walked off relieved, turned back but the kitten wasn’t there. Hope it is safe. To me it was a baby, just like my own son Darshan. Helpless and innocent.

The first thing I did after reaching office was to download the membership form of People For Animals, the esteemed organization run by Ms. Maneka Gandhi. I think its time I joined. But whether I join or not, my heart will always be open for these innocent beings.

Hunger Pangs!

2009-06-01T03:37:00.001-07:00

Hunger pangs are after me,
Clawing at my poor tummy.
O please change the lunch break time,
Let me eat, I'll give you a dime!

Tired and famished here I am,
All I've had is bread and jam,
Absorbed and digested long ago,
My little tummy asks for more.

Please O please, listen to me,
My dear boss, rescue me!
Let me eat, just a nibble,
I promise I'll finish at the double.

I see my plea go in vain,
Why O why can't you see my pain?
I hear my poor tummy growl,
No one hears me cry and howl.

Here I sit surrounded by work,
I see my colleague give a smirk.
Yeah you laugh as much you want,
Tomorrow hunger will pick you to haunt!

Water Monster - Tsunami

2009-05-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

Someone forwarded an e-mail this morning. But it was not just any other forward... it was a forward on Tsunami. A mail warning everyone to be alert. Tsunami is going to happen again soon.

The first thing that came to my mind then was not doubt whether the mail was a hoax but some awful memories revolved around that water monster that mercilessly and greedily gobbled millions of lives.

Newspapers blared out photos and heart sinking reports on the Tsunami. For some it was hot news, for others a part of their life.

As for me, it was part of my life.

My sister-in-law, her husband and their daughter lived in Andaman back then. God hadn't left our side completely since their lives were spared. Their home, belongings... everything was washed away. Hugging their daughter (who was then just 5 years old) they ran to a nearby raised land and sat there staring at the water, knowing anything could happen at any time. Miraculously they were spared, the water lost strength on the slope. They were rushed to a refugee camp in Port Blair along with other survivors. Days later they returned to Kerala.

Remani... a 16 year old girl who reached our home as a house maid. Stayed with my mom from then. Then my sister was born, 7 years later I was born. She took care of us when our mother went to work. She loved us, cared for us, just like we did for her. Years of being together had made her part of our family rather than just another house maid.

Once we were big enough she moved on with her life, never married, joined an agency, worked for a couple from WHO and then was sent to Mali on a job.

Today we do not know where she is. Contact from her stopped after the Tsunami.

She had no relatives except an old granny. She had put up a house at Trivandrum where we went and searched for her details. She is still missing. We would never like to believe something awful happened to her. I know God must have kept her somewhere safe and she just could not contact us.

Tsunami hasn't taken her away... she is somewhere... she is safe... my heart tells me so...

Sweet Revenge :)

2009-05-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

As usual I reached office early, early in the sense damn early when the only people around are the securities and the person who comes to sweep and clean the lift.

My office is on the 4th floor of a 7 storeyed building. Every morning when I press the lift button the cleaning man would be inside, sometimes cleaning the lift walls, otherwise sprawled on the floor wiping it. And he says, “Please wait. Let me finish”. After a long wait I finally climb all the way to the 4th floor. The cleaning still wouldn’t have been completed.

Today when the same thing happened something wicked cooked in my mind. I pressed the lift button from the 4th floor and then ran to the 3rd floor. Hiding away I heard him grumble. He went back to the ground floor. Then again from the 3rd floor I pushed the button and ran to the next floor. Again grumbling he returned.

And then on and on it continued till he finally gave up cleaning and others from my office came.

Call me wicked, call me crooked… here I am smiling away :)

Ponder

2009-05-05T04:06:00.000-07:00

Stop before you leap,
Into dark shadows of despair,
Think before you weep,
Over something unfair.

You have one life to live,
Loads of hope to give,
Dreams to fulfil,
Acres of happiness to till.

Tasks to accomplish,
In this one way trip,
Hurdles to demolish,
And problems to rip.

Don't live your life in solitude,
Don't be ashamed of who you are,
Live your life with gratitude,
Not everyone reaches this far.

Some more one liners :)

2009-04-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

- Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf!
- A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
- It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- Marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
- If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Sharing some One Liners :)

2009-04-04T02:37:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone... just thought of sharing some One Liners I received via e-mail. Hope you enjoy them!

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. Born free, taxed to death.
7. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
8. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
9. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
10. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
11. I love being a writer... What I can't stand is the paperwork.
12. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
13. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
14. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
15. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
16. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
17. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
18. Hot glass looks same as cold glass - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers.
19. The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.
20. Someday is not a day of the week.

A little thing

2009-03-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

Along life's way,
Comes a little thing,
A thing you can say,
That makes your heart sing.

A simple little smile,
A warm little hug,
A friend to dial,
A bed without a bug!

A baby to cuddle,
A garden with no weed,
A jump in a puddle,
A kind little deed.

A tune to whistle,
A pleasant dream,
A sibling to wrestle,
A coffee with cream.

A nice long bath,
A perfect day,
A new found path,
A prayer to say.

I'm back!

2009-03-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I’m back… and it feels great!

And this time I’m back as a mummy! O no, not “Mummy Returns”, please! As the mummy of a darling little baby boy!

My husband and myself were blessed with a baby boy on December 9th, 2008. The baby was named “Darshan”, meaning “see” or “worship”.

Ciao

2008-10-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

Good morning friends!

This message comes your way to inform that I shall be away for a while, starting today. My husband Dilip and myself are expecting our baby by December. Till I'm back, ciao and do take care. Miss you all!

Regards,

Seema

Crows have attitude too??!!

2008-10-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

The Crow, a black bird with a powerful black beak, known to prey on rodents, lizards, other food disposed off by humans etc. and also feed on freshly dead corpses probably killed by other means. In other words, they eat what they get and aren't choosy. Hmm...

Well, I recently started to rethink on this description that we find in books/websites!

There are a few crows that visit my parental home every morning. Mother would be busy cooking when the familiar music of "CAW! CAW!" floats in through the kitchen window. Here, in India, feeding crows is said to be good since crows symbolise our loved ones who have departed from this world.

Since we have chappathi at night and usually one or two come extra after everyone has gobbled up my mother's mouth-watering food, she keeps it aside for my doggy and of course for the crows. She breaks them into tiny pieces and puts them out the window. Crows sweep down from the trees, peck at these pieces and fly away.

This has been a usual practice. But of course, on some days, the dinner menu changes and we might have rice, dosa or idli.

Next morning, mother puts out bits of dosa or idli for the crows. Not one sweeps down. They keep crying. Mother and myself are confused.

Next day the same happens. This time however one chappathi remained. She puts that out as well. The cawing increases and crows sweep down from God knows where all and choose the chappathi pieces from among the other bits of dosa and idli and fly away to their nests. Mother and myself watch on in disbelief!

So now, someone please tell me... is the description conveyed in books and websites genuine?!

The Face at the Window

2008-08-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

The title, "The Face at the Window" might sometimes lead you to believe I'm going to write a short story of some sort. Something like Sherlock Holmes' "The Yellow Face".

But no, this is an incident that took place a few days back.

My husband's aged father stays with the 2 of us. Since my husband and myself have the habit of hitting the sack late and father sleeps early, we switch off all the lights except for our bedroom light and then sit and have a chat for a while. On that particular day we were watching a film on our laptop.

We were totally engrossed in the movie. In between, during some hilarious scene, I laughed and looked at my husband and then at the window to his side. It took me a few minutes to realize what I saw. What was that; was it just a shadow or was it really what I thought it was.

2 horrifying eyes stared at me through the window pane. Someone was really there, those nasty eyes and green shirt were all I could make out through the opaque pane. The pane being opaque was probably the reason why he stared so hard, struggling to get a glimpse of our room.

Myself not being a very daring or courageous person found it hard to raise even the tiniest of sound. Finally I squealed, "Someone's there"! The figure ran off, and by the sound it was evident he had already jumped our wall.

My husband turned and saw nothing, he turned to me, "Who? What are you saying? Must've been some shadow". "No! I'm positive!", I said, "Someone was there and he just ran away. I'm not nuts!"

We switched on all the lights and came out. By that time my husband's father had also woken up, his eyes groggy from sleep and his face wore a confused look. We told him what had happened.

Our neighbours were still awake, some of them were even outside their homes. But no one had seen the freak. Next morning we called up the police station and gave a complaint. Police suspect him to be a peeping Tom rather than a thief. Whoever that was, he sure was a freak and if he ever is to return we'll be waiting for him.

A Crowded Bus - Nightmare for some, Advantage for some others!

2008-05-31T02:23:00.000-07:00

In a previous blog, I had mentioned about my daily travel to work by the same bus.

Yesterday, as usual, my husband and I boarded the same bus and took our seats. What seemed to be a very comfortable journey at first soon turned inconvenient.

The rush was horrible. I wondered if the entire city boarded the bus! Not even space for a pin to fall and touch the ground! People were gasping for breath, angry shouts everywhere asking the conductor why he was taking in more people, some cried in pain as people stomped their feet.

Myself and the girl sitting besides me were jammed against the side of the bus as people swayed with each turn and each brake hit. Even sitting had become difficult in the bus. I wished my stop would come soon so that I could just escape this situation. And being pregnant, I was feeling all suffocated and irritated.

To shift my thoughts to something more pleasant I had begun talking to the girl besides me. A lady was standing just beside us, crushed between many others. Then I saw something! Something that made me realize that even as so many people were suffering inside, there were people who found this advantageous!

First I thought I was mistaken, there was a hand groping inside the bag of this lady standing next to us. I looked at the lady, may be it was her own hand. But then her complexion, she was quite fair. And this hand was dark as dark could be. For a second I became blank.

I looked around to check whose hand it was. The only person I could find with that complexion was a tall lady, dressed in a shiny orange salwar kameez and a thick gold bangle in her hand. Could this be the person, she looked quite well off. But I had noticed that she was pushing everyone a bit too much and making everyone feel uncomfortable with the way she was standing and holding on to the bars.

I hesitated but what if I was right? I decide to deal with it without accusing anyone.

I looked up at the lady near me and asked her, "Aunty, excuse me, but was your bag open? Please be careful in this bus, lots of people have lost their money". The lady gripped her bag sensing something wrong. Now the dark lady was looking forward. Not at all turning back or pushing like before. My suspicion grew.

I looked again at the possible victim and told her, more with actions than words, "I have a doubt, please be careful". The lady said she had never opened her bag and began searching frantically to check if something had been stolen. Thank heavens, everything was in place. I had seen the hand before it could get a hold of something.

Since I travel in this same bus everyday, the conductor knew me well. I alerted him too. He told me he had felt something wrong when this lady boarded the bus. He asked her, "Where are you getting down", as if to try and reduce the crowd. We noticed her voice hardly came out. She was tensed and looked as if she would breakdown any minute. As soon as the bus stopped she bolted out never turning back even once.

Our suspicions were confirmed. If she wasn't the thief, why would she get tensed when we were just refering to an open bag? But somehow I was glad that I didn't have to point out the person without proof. Nothing was lost, that's what mattered in the end. The lady thanked me, I told her she should thank her luck. How else would I have seen that hand in between this rush?

50th Blog!

2008-05-07T03:31:00.000-07:00

I wish to thank all the readers/supporters of this Blog as I reach my 50th Blog today! This sure is a happy day for me, reaching this far in something I love!

Special thanks to:-

My sister Sindhu (http://sindhuspages.blogspot.com/)
Kalyan (http://kalyansuman.blogspot.com/)
Entertainer http://entertainer2007.blogspot.com/)
Rowdy (http://rowdys-corner.blogspot.com/)
Denson (http://mystory4all.blogspot.com/)
Sandy (http://spoonart.blogspot.com/)
Janice (http://beyondthemindseye.blogspot.com/)
Sandy Carlson (http://slchome.blogspot.com/)
Floots (http://i-land-i-site.blogspot.com/)
Monsoon Dreams (http://monsoon-dreams.blogspot.com/)
Jac (http://jacpaulus.blogspot.com/)
Ilse (http://fineartbyilsehable.blogspot.com/) etc. who have helped me reach this far with their support and comments!

Forgive me if I have missed out any names!

I would just like to list some of my personal favourites here, from all the articles posted.

http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/09/belief-helps.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/08/time-to-change.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/07/unattainable-paradise.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/04/dance-like-no-ones-watching.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/04/treasured-moments.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/04/thank-you-sir-whoever-you-are.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/03/babies-are-god-given-gifts.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/03/death.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/03/smile.html
http://seemudiaries.blogspot.com/2007/03/love-to-live-live-to-love.html

Baby arriving :)

2008-05-07T03:17:00.000-07:00

After a long silence I'm back to posting on this blog. I've been away because of something really special in my life. My husband and myself are going to be proud parents! O yes, by God's grace I'm now 2 months pregnant!

After 2 weeks of rest and other initial issues, here I'm, back to work, going on with life and posting this blog. Just praying that God Almighty blesses our to-be-born baby with health, happiness and all good things in life.

The Pink Panther Show!

2008-03-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

My husband, Dilip, has always been an easy victim of tension. Probably because he takes his job way too seriously.

Even during light moments, casual talks, his face would reflect a blank expression. And I would know he's into serious thinking. I was beginning to get a bit worried seeing him that way, lest he fall sick.

But from the past few days, I've been noticing some changes. The kiddy side of him, the tension-free side of him, the happy and jolly side of him have been dominating his tensions!

And guess what the reason is. The scrawny little Pink Panther!

Lately Pogo Channel has been broadcasting the Pink Panther Show. Every evening he makes sure to reach home before the show starts, grab a coffee/tea and something to eat and wait before the TV.

A little later, as I go around my work in the kitchen, I begin hearing giggles. Then increasing laughter. Laughter that gives me immense joy!

I rush to the living room to see him... he grins at me... just like a little kid amused by his favourite show.

Then I look at the TV... a scrawny little Pink Panther walks across the screen... his long stick-like tail behind him... trying to help people around him but unfortunately only getting them deep in trouble. And I think to myself... "Thank you Pink Panther! You're my Hero!"

The Rain

2008-03-06T03:44:00.000-08:00

It's time I did justice to this poor little blog by posting something. Ever since I started my new blog for illustrations this poor fella has been ignored. So today I finally decided to post something in here. Today, somehow, my heart tells me to write a simple poem, that sounds more like one for kids, or even written by a kid. And so here it is.

Pitter-patter comes the rain,
Trickling down my window pane.
Open mouthed I sit and stare,
A bolt of thunder gives me a scare!

I squeal and crouch under my bed,
Pressing my ears and turning them red.
I shut my eyes tight and firm,
With each loud clap I twitch and squirm.

The thunder seems to stop at last,
But I'm not willing to come out that fast.
Uncovering my ears and craning my neck,
I look around, just to check.

The battle of clouds seem to have ended,
I tiptoe to the window, my courage mended.
Yes, the sunny day is here,
No more thunder, no more fear.

Seemu Doodles

2008-02-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

Hi friends,

This is just to introduce my new blog. A blog exclusively for my drawings/sketches, mainly in Illustrator. I had started posting my drawings in this blog itself. But my dear friend and colleague, Denson, suggested I keep a separate blog for it.

And so... here's Seemu Doodles!

http://seemudoodles.blogspot.com/

Luv,

Seema

A work in Adobe Illustrator...

2008-01-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

Hi folks... This is just something I drew in Adobe Illustrator. A Cartoon Town. Please click to enlarge if not clear enough.

A Recollection

2008-01-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

When I received this picture through an e-mail, an incident came to my mind. Something that was a usual scene in primary school.

There used to be around 3-4 kids on a bench. No separate chair and table for each kid. An elbow would nudge the kid seated nearby, "Move a bit more... this space isn't enough for me". The other would widen his eyes, "No way! This is my place"! And then, "Nudge! Push! Wham!" The kid on the side of the bench would then land on the floor and get up rubbing his buttocks.

He then strides up to the teacher's table and say, "Ma'm, he pushed me down"! And then teacher would hold both kids by their ears till they turned red. Peace would be restored.

Next day, as usual the kids come in frowning at each other, still at war. One of the kids has brought a piece of chalk. He sits down on the bench and draws a line on the desk, "This is my area! Don't cross it!"

The other kid pokes his tongue out, eyebrows moving up and down. He then takes a colour chalk, "See, your chalk is white. Mine is sooooo nice". Then he marks his own territory.

The fight continues...

Travel of the Garbage Bag!

2008-01-02T01:47:00.000-08:00

The passengers in the bus me and my husband travel by are like one big family. Daily travel by the same bus is the sole reason behind this.

One such person, a lady who gets in a few stops after mine, usually hands over her heavy bag to me so that she can stand comfortably in the ever increasing crowd. I thankfully get a seat since I board the bus from the very first stop.

As any other day, she got in today and handed me her bag. Then she passed on a white polythene bag that was so full of something that it looked like it would burst. I took it from her and she told me to keep it in the front of the bus and not to hold it in hand. I did that. Something seemed weird and I asked her what the bag contained.

I saw a rainbow of colours on her face then! Embarrassed was how she looked. I wondered what I had said wrong. She gave me a sheepish smile and said... "Err... that's actually garbage. I thought of putting it in the dump near my house. But then this bus came and I didn't want to miss it. Will dispose it off near my office".

I looked at her. And then me and the girl beside me burst into uncontrollable giggles while the lady just stood there with a funny grin!

And so friends, that's how the garbage bag travelled 10 kms by bus!

The Art of Pushing & Being Pushed! Ouch!

2007-12-13T22:22:00.000-08:00

Crazy topic, huh?! Well... just writing the facts here.

I don't know why, but even as a little kid, I have always hated being pushed. I would always gather the little kiddy strength that I had and push back, much to the horror of my mother and sister.

But here in the land where pushers thrive and only survival of the fittest works, what other option do I have???!!!

No idea of what I'm talking, huh? It's just that I'm a person who keeps away from crowds. I just hate crowds... is it a phobia... I don't know.

Even as a school going kid the first thing that used to come to my mind when I woke up in the morning was the crowded staircase to my classroom. Being tiny I used to squirm through the pushers with half-filled eyes.

And the buses here! Uff! It's an absolute nightmare! A huge bus where there is so much place to stand... and still some annoying people just lean against you with their entire weight crushing you. With each stupid break the driver hits, they paste you against the sides of the bus. Crushed so bad that you'll have to be scraped off.

My policy to survive is just this... " If someone pushes you, hold all your strength and stand firm so that when the acceleration stops they bounce back with their own energy"! Simple! Just because one person is pushing you from behind does not mean that we plop on to the person in front of us. I'm not their saviour or bodyguard but I hate crushing them because I know what I feel when I get crushed!

In one such situation, as said before I held all my strength and the lady who was pushing me against the metal bar bounced back when the brakes were hit. And she snapped at me as if I did something! That was it! I just smiled sweetly and replied, "Ok aunty, I'll just loosen all my muscles and let u grind me against this bar. It's not paining at all!" I think I made the point because she went and stood elsewhere.

And the worst, the crowd at the temple. One goes to the temple to pray, to relax and to remove all burdens and tensions from the mind. I closed my eyes and folded my hands in prayer and then "PUSH! SHOVE". I opened my eyes and found myself facing a wall. Hey, where's the idol I was praying before! I have been pushed away kilometers away by some devotee who just couldn't wait to pray I guess!

Wheez! Someone have mercy! I HATE BEING PUUUUSSSSSSSHHHHHEDDDDD!

Just sharing...

2007-11-07T00:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

This isn't much of a Blog. Just wanted to share a quote that I read few minutes back. Felt its kind of applicable in everyone's life.

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise!"

Nestled in the lap of Nature - Thusharagiri

2007-10-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had the privilege of going to one of the most beautiful places in Kerala, Thusharagiri. Snuggled cozily in the Western Ghats, the gurgling waterfalls of Thusharagiri are indeed a feast to the eyes as well as to the inner self.

Two streams originating from the Western Ghats meet here to form the Chalippuzha River. This river diverges into three waterfalls creating a snowy spray, which gives the name, "Thusharagiri". Thenpara is the highest of these three waterfalls and it falls from an altitude of 75 meters approx.

These three waterfalls are at their best from September to November.

The place is also ideal for trekking and rock-climbing. Myself being a not very daring person am immensely thankful to our guide and a colleague for helping me climb as well as descend the three levels!

Other than my colleague being bitten by a leach and myself spraining my ankle, thanks to God, there were no major injuries to anyone. Every moment was enjoyed, every second cherished. Here are some of the snaps that we took during the climb.

ENJOY!

Belief helps...

2007-09-17T00:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a blog just comes to you, like this one did. I was consoling my sister after she recently lost someone very close to her (about which you can read on http://sindhuspages.blogspot.com/), when this Blog crossed my mind.

Very often we hear people asking, "Do you believe in God?", "Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?", "If God exists why is this happening to me? I refuse to believe!", and such things.

Ever thought about it in a different way?

There are certain things that we should believe in, even if we have no proof. Know why? So that we can move on in life. Fantasies and Fairy Tales are sometimes needed in life.

The human mind is an amazing thing that heals over time. And for that, believing in something is important.

After all, there's no harm in believing, right?

Like when people say, each soul that leaves a body goes up to the sky and becomes a bright twinkling star that watches over it's loved ones. So when you feel lost without someone who has passed away look up at the brightest star there.

When a kiddo loses his/her first tooth, isn't it better to just make them believe in the tiny Tooth Fairy who'll leave behind a gift in return for the first tooth rather then let the tot be scared of it?

When someone you love has passed away, isn't it better to believe they were too good to be stuck in this nasty world and are safe in Heaven with the Lord?

Some people believe in rebirth. The entire concept of rebirth might be portrayed without any justice in some movies. The hero or heroine will be saying indigestible dialogs like I'll wait for you in my next birth and such crap. And then you'll think, "What the heck! Such a waste of time! Rebirth? How can that ever happen! Insane!"

Let's again look at it in a different angle. Don't you sometimes tell your mother, "If I ever have a second birth I'd like to be born as your kid again. You're the best!" When a person loses his companion for life, what word can console him? Don't you think just believing that his beloved is waiting for him in Heaven might help him to move on? Or believing that he will have a second chance to be with her in their next birth and that he will do everything to keep her happy might help.

What else can console you in a time like this? Consoling words from friends and family? No matter how much they try sometimes words might not be enough to console. Saying it's OK when someone has left you might make no sense.

Saying it won't hurt to pluck a tooth might not be something you want to trust. Well I still remember being chased around the house by my father so that he could pluck my nearly falling tooth. And I sure would have liked to know about the Tooth Fairy then.

And I do remember how torn apart we were when we lost certain members of our family. All around people were crying... still others were trying their best to console, concealing their own tears. And yet others drowning the torn ones in sympathetic glances. But there's no big relief than spending a little time on your own, just to look at that bright twinkling star who might just be your loved one in Heaven.

Sometimes... believing in something that people tend to push off as silly might just be the thing that can help you move on.

Hilarious Conversations!

2007-09-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

Just sharing 2 of the most hilarious conversations that I have heard! P.S. - All names have been changed/avoided to protect the identity of the people involved :)

My mother and myself had gone to visit certain relatives of ours. During a casual talk with them, my mother happened to notice an awkwardly big glass covering a small table. She enquired about it. My relative said, "O, the old one broke. My son sat on it, and it broke". To which my mother asked, "You could have taken the measurement of the glass and then bought a new one. That way it would be correct for the table". My sheepish relative replied, "I did take the measurement. But I happened to take it with an elastic band"!

Noticing the dirty discoloured water coming from the toilet flush, I told my friend, "Aargh... did you notice this? The water from the flush is horrible... so dirty, discoloured and stinking". All of a sudden my friend remarked, "Is it so! I just took a bath in that"! Shocked I looked at her. A dawn of realisation flashed across her face and she said, "Sorry! Somehow when you said flush the picture of the shower came to my mind"!

A continuation to "This just shouldn't have happened...."

2007-09-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is in continuation to my previous Blog "This just shouldn't have happened...."

A day before, someone told me, "The old lady had been employed in some Health Department. She was well versed with all medical stuff. Why couldn't she just kill him less painfully? May be quick death with some injection or tablet. This heinious incident had happened because she and her son had been abandoned by their family."

What do the readers out there say?

- He should have been given a quick death as said above?
- Suicide/Murder are not solutions to anything?
- Any other opinion?

My Love...

2007-09-06T23:36:00.000-07:00

What good is the sun without its light?

What good is a flower without its scent?
What good is the night without the stars bright?
Without your love... what good is my life spent?

What good is a meadow without the grass green?
What good is beauty if not skin deep?
What good is the world if you hadn't been?
Without you... my heart would ache and weep.

What good is a bird without wings?
What good is a lake without water?
What good is life which only sorrow brings?
Without you... my each step would falter.

What good is a broken vow?
What good is one without a friend?
What good is life without love?
I wish you to be with me till the very end.

This just shouldn't have happened....

2007-09-06T03:58:00.001-07:00

Today I write this blog in a shocked state of mind. I feel numb, engulfed in a state of dreariness. I can hardly see what I'm typing with the tears covering my eyes.

A little away from my home is the temple of Lord Ayappa. And adjacent to this temple is a small house where an old woman used to live with her son. This son, although middle aged (or may be more), was always like a small kid. A poor boy, retarded from birth. As is said, a special boy.

Everyone in that vicinity knew them. The old woman would come daily to the temple and chant the hymns of the Lord, while this poor boy used to sit by her, looking at everyone with the most sweetest and innocent of smiles. In between he would reach out to poke or tug at someone passing by. The old woman would then stare at him telling him to behave. Everyone loved him. Even my baby niece for whom he always had a bright smile on his face.

A little while, a call from my mother, what I heard was too cruel to be true.

A relative of theirs had gone to visit them. He rang the bell and no one answered. He waited a while thinking they might come. Then he saw smoke coming from under the door. He panicked and called the police. But it was too late.

The old lady had burnt herself, a suicide. And much worse... she had killed him too the same way. God alone knows what she gained by this. How did she even feel like killing him? One look at his innocent face would have made her back away.

What is the world coming to these days? Why doesn't this damn bloody world understand that suicide and murder are not solutions to anything. And that too the murder of an innocent retarded boy. If she was fed up of looking after him or if they couldn't make ends meet couldn't she have just dropped him off at some institution for the retarded? Was murder the only option!

How much pain the poor soul must've suffered. Why didn't someone hear him scream for help? Why did it have to be too late?

This isn't fair. This bloody world is not fair. This shouldn't have happened. This just shouldn't have happened.

Time to Change!

2007-08-07T02:59:00.000-07:00

Tired and weary he roamed the street,

Wondering how to make ends meet.
His feet were bleeding with the thorns and stones,
Dressed in rags, he looked like a bag of bones.

A pained look on his face,
A silent tear and mind in haze.
I watched him as he staggered on,
Probably wondering why he was even born.

But soon enough I realized this,
He lived his life in imaginary bliss.
For what I witnessed there that day,
Opened my eyes, made my day.

There by a wall was a wooden crate,
On which he sat, famished and abate.
A tiny piece of chalk in hand,
He glanced the wall and then began.

A window pane, sun at dawn,
He drew as he whistled on.
And then he sat watching it,
A ray of hope within himself he lit.

With moistened eyes I looked in awe,
I just couldn't believe what I saw.
Deriving hope from a created dawn,
Encouraging himself to fight and move on.

All throughout a beautiful day,
All we do is fret and fume,
Get as much, as we may,
All we ask is "That's all, hmm?"

Cursing life all the way,
Not a moment do we live.
Staying blind to all we have,
Forgetting how to share and give.

Now's the time to rise and awake,
A change in life we should make.
Live your life, live it right,
For life is once, make it bright.

Wake up... be bold!

2007-07-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

"Appearances may be deceptive; smiles may be fake. Don't think that life is a piece of cake".

This is a line from the poem "Life" that I wrote long back. And to no surprise, it still holds true.

One day you meet someone who is so sweet. But in a matter of days the sweetness comes of like a mask, revealing an atrocious figure.

So many innocent smiles fade away into tears. So many dreams of a beautiful life are blown to smithereens. Trust loses its meaning. Altogether, a heinous atmosphere envelopes you from all sides, trapping you within.

How do we recognise people? We are no mind readers. So what's the answer... it's all luck? Well, I'm not ready to be calm with that stupid statement.

Don't be shattered by the wounds someone has inflicted on you. Get up, bearing the pain, find in yourself the strength that you never knew was within you.

God created everyone equal. He never gave anyone the right to step on others. He never told anyone they could play with others' lives or feelings or to take advantage because they were physically stronger.

So wake up... be bold.

Just let go...

2007-07-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

Not always in life do things turn out to be as we expect. Same when it comes to making friends.

We might wanna be good friends with someone but it's not necessary that they too desire it.

It has happened... situations where one is not sure what is actually needed. Who is to be blamed?

Different people have different minds... no one thinks alike. What may be important to us may not be to another person. What we feel is wrong might be right for them. What we feel is right might be wrong for them.

When people of the same beliefs, same origination, same place, same values can think different... how will people far away with different values and thoughts understand each other.

Some friendships are not meant to be... no matter how hard we've tried to understand the other. I've realized that.

Just let go...

Writing - A Passion; Not a Task...

2007-07-26T03:04:00.000-07:00

A question from bloginterview.com has truly inspired me to write my next blog. The question was... "What advice do you have for bloggers?"

Please do not consider this Blog as an advice... it's just me again, talking from deep within, about the very essence of writing, be it a blog or something else.

Writing to me is my passion. The one place where feelings can just pour out of your mind and soul.

Being a person who is talkitive only to people whom I feel close to, writing is the best tool when it comes to communicating with others. What you write should come from within.

It isn't the huge words in the dictionary that totally blare out your vocabulary that matter here. Neither does the editing part. Those things are far away, to be taken care much later.

What comes first and foremost is the feeling in it, the soul put into it. It should come out in a flow without any place for thinking. Choose those topics that totally involve you into it. Topics that don't need you to refer books or other sources to collect factual details. Choose those topics that make you feel happy, that lets YOU be yourself.

Serious topics which require a bit of reference may come our way, but when it comes to free writing, the topic must touch your soul.

Remember the times when you have just been taught a nursery rhyme and you want to sing it out to your parents, relatives, siblings or friends so that they feel proud of you and so that you can be proud of yourself? Those are times when you feel no fear, nothing holds you back. You don't let the thought that "you might make a mistake" rule your heart. You just do it.

Apply the same thing here... write it out. No one's views can be laughed at. Evereyone has their own view point. Then why hesitate... just write. Bring out the YOU in you.

Use simple language, language that others feel like reading, which can be understood even by kids. Nothing else can give the power and the strength of simple, direct words.

Something that is understood by all and touches all is a sure success.

Irritated... Frustrated... God what is the word!

2007-07-24T02:39:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, life brings your way absolutely unfair situations.

There may be moments when some wrong has been done to you and all you can do is to bear it helplessly not knowing what to do.

Clenching your fists and grinding your teeth in private, you bury those wounds deep within.

Your heart desires to speak it out to someone who means a lot to you, someone who must know about it.

But then fear holds you back. Fear that, that someone will never trust you. That someone lays more trust on the person who has done wrong to you.

May be you'll be trusted, may be not... but how will you be sure. If you are not trusted the damage done will be massive.

May be the maximum you can do is vent it out by writing it as a blog...

Innocence

2007-07-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

Innocence to me is...

A baby exploring the end of the thread on its pillow/blanket/dress!

A kitten playing with a ball of yarn for untiring hours with round curious eyes!

A baby opening its mouth, the moment your hand goes near its tiny rosy lips, with the belief that you are feeding it!

Babies sleeping with palms tightly clenched!

Babies laughing seeing the ceiling fan turn!

Kids watching a frightening show on TV from behind their mom/dad or the cushion!

The shocked/sad look on a kid's face not knowing why he/she has been just spanked for painting the wall!

The few second of confused look on a baby's face before bursting into tears on hearing a big sound or bang!

Doggies running amuck all around the house without even letting you hold them tight to soothe their fear of crackers!

Kiddies trying hard to spell a new word that they've just been taught!

The relieved toothless smile on a baby's face after it has wet its bed!

Babies crying after pulling their own hair or slapping themsleves!

So much more to write... I guess it's just to be continued...

Unattainable Paradise

2007-07-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

I woke up one warm, sunny day,

A rather beautiful day, I must say.

I peeped out of the window and my heart felt light,

As I witnessed that wonderful sight.

The chirping birds, the swaying green trees,

The scent of flowers, the gentle breeze,

Weren’t they the same everyday?

Then, what was the magic they cast today?

All my problems seemed to fade away,

And I felt happy more than words could say.

The day I had craved for, was it here?

Where was my sorrow, where was my fear?

I ran down and kissed my mother dear,

She gave me a hug and held me near.

Brushing my teeth, I looked at my father,

I grinned at him, my face full of lather.

Although puzzled, he smiled at me,

And I hurried off to have some tea.

But then suddenly, a thought came to me,

All this happiness, how real could it be?

Me? Happy? Could it be true?

A day without sorrow, I never knew.

I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming,

And then I found myself weeping.

For I lay in bed all alone,

Unattainable paradise was forever gone.

Blunders Blunders Blunders!

2007-06-14T03:08:00.000-07:00

I can just sit and wonder for hours together... "When am I going to stop spilling blunders from my mouth"!!

The other day I was walking with my friend and his mother through the Cathedral premise. My friend's brother had gone in front to get the car ready.

Aunty was explaining to me about the Cathedral. She showed me the burial ground. Marble slabs on which names of the deceased had been inscribed. She went on to tell me that since there was no more space available, the burial-vault had been moved on to the wall. I could see tiny handles on the wall.

My friend asked his mother, "Ma do we have electrical system"? His mother replied that in their church only burial was the custom. No electrical system.

I said, "In our case, there's no question of burial at all. We only cremate our dead. We believe that gives peace to the soul entirely".

My friend all of a sudden remarked, "Man! It'll be damn hot"! Bewildered I said, "Don't talk nonsense! How'll the dead feel the heat"!

He burst into laughter as I stood there blinking. Aunty laughed too. He said, "You dumbo! I meant it's going to be damn hot inside the car since it has been in the sun all day!"

Eeeps! That moment, I can never describe how embarrased I felt!

Embarrasing Moments!

2007-06-14T02:22:00.000-07:00

Hope this blog will pave a way for a good laugh!

Writing about my embarrasing moments is damn tough, 'coz there are too many! Whew! But lemme give it a try!

- It all started when I was a kid... a teeny weeny tiny shiny little kid... ok, cut the shiny... my aunty was holding my hand and we were coming down the stairs. I said, "Leave my hand... I'm a big girl now"! To which, my aunty remarked, "You'll fall". I squirmed my hand free from hers'. Next step... "Aaaaaaaaaa! Thud, thud thud..."! There I was, rolling down the stairs. I still have that scar on my knee, thanks to that day! Moan!

- I remember the shock on my mother's and sister's face when they saw the cave art type drawings that I had scribbled on the front room wall! My poor sister's entire eraser was exhausted to remove the marks! And so was my mother!

- I wanted to celebrate my Barbie doll's b'day and so I lit a candle and placed it on my plastic toy cake. Soon I saw that my favourite cartoon show was being telecasted and forgot all about the cake. A little later I went back to find my room all smoked! The wooden shelf was on fire. I screamt... my mother and sister came to the rescue! They threw water on the flames and poor things, how much they scrubbed the walls and shelf to remove the soot so that my father wouldn't see it and spank me!

- Another day... my mother got me a chocolate... and I greedily put the wrapper in my mouth and the chocolate in the thrash!

- I dialed a number on the phone and when it was answered I cut the call, not remembering whom I called or why I called!

- My sister, her friend and myself were at a restaurant waiting for our food to come. I found the man seated at the next table to ours staring at my sister. A little too concerned about my sister I gave the guy a cold stare. But he wouldn't stop. After a few long annoying stares I frowned and said "Don't these people have any other job! Gaping at women like this!" He was shocked and so were my sister and her friend. They turned around to see who the annoying person was, only to find their old college mate shocked and embarrased by my reaction. Eeps! I mumbled a "Sorry", I have never gone to that restaurant since that day!

Well that's all for now... rest later!

June 4th, 2007 - A day I'll treasure for life!

2007-06-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, i.e., June 4th 2007, has been marked as one of the most treasurable days of my life.

It was the wedding of one of my best friends, Paul. I was excited about the wedding. When I reached there I met my old schoolmates. Little did I know that this was going to become a day that I would cherish for life. There was a lot more to this day than just his wedding!

I met my old friends... Uma, Amal, Jaijith, Anu & Manu (the twins), Hari, Arun and Ashok. Amal, he was one of the kids I fought most in school with. Now, he's one of my best friends.

And then Paul was happily married... I could see grins on the faces of each and every friend who had arrived. Then we all met outside the Church and everyone had so much to tell... everyone was asking questions and talking at the same time. Wow! It was amazing!

Then we all went to have food, the best part! Me and Arun were the only ones who were vegetarians... and out poor friends, just to sit with us... they piled up their plates and came to our table... then we were all full. The next plan was slowly materialising in our brains... why not go to school, meet our teachers? Yeah! Our faces lit up even more!

Amal had to drop his ma and brother before coming with us. And his ma told me, "Daughter, why don't you come home with us. So when Amal comes back you can accompany him and then you may all go to school". I didn't even think twice. I agreed.

Then I went to his home with his ma and brother. I saw his family for the first time that day, saw his dad too. Years of being friends and yet the first chance to meet his family. I was totally beaming with joy. A lovely family I must say. So full of love and affection, as though they have always known me. His ma told me how Amal was when he was a kid and all the funny things about him.

Then we took Amal's car and went back to the Church to pick our other 2 friends, Jaijith and Arun, who had agreed to come with us. On the way we both were so excited. It was unbearably hot and we decided to switch on the A/c. In our excitement we twisted the knob to the heating mode and for a while were dumbstruck why we were melting all of a sudden! It was hilarious!

There we waited till Paul left with his companion for life. Then we set forth for our school. We walked into the campus after more than 10 years. That feeling could never be described in words. We saw the new basketball court and the new classrooms that were just being constructed when we left.

We approached the staff-room. All of a sudden, God alone knows from where all, our teachers came running to us. We were still remembered. They were so excited, asking where we were now, about our career, about life, about our family. Some of our teachers stood blinking for a while because we had changed that much. We had grown up from tiny scrawny kids to adults. The most hilarious part, one teacher mistook me for Amal's wife! Boy were we shocked!

Our Headmistress was in the Junior School, taking care of the new admissions. We rushed to our Junior School. But she had left for home already. But we were adamant that we would return only after seeing her. I called her up, said we are all coming to see her. Then we drove over to her residence and found her there with such a smile on her face that took us back to our childhood.

We sat there for more than an hour. And she really didn't want us to leave. I think I saw her eyes fill-up. She told us that she was more attached to us and our familes than the present batches. Ever since she had become the Headmistress she no more had the chance to teach and mingle with children. There were so much more responsibilities on her shoulders.

She told us her experience as a teacher and how Amal had made funny faces at her when he was in the 1st Std. She laughed till her eyes filled-up.

Then we started from there and all 3 of my friends came to my residence. Waited there till my husband arrived. Only one of them had met him earlier. Then by around 7:45 in the evening they left. It was with a heavy heart that everyone left. We have plans of slowly arranging a get-together of all our schoolmates.

Hope we can achieve that dream. Yes, it was definitely a day to be treasured for life. Thank you God, for this wonderful day!

A journey by bus in Kerala - Between life and death!

2007-05-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

Whew! Where do I start from!

As usual I completed my chores and went to the bus stop to board my regular bus. My husband was not with me. He had to pay our electricity bill and would be late to office.

I got into the bus. My usual seat is by the window, just opposite to the driver's seat. The day was rather hot and I felt it wise not to sit by the window. Later on, I regretted my desicion!

All of a sudden, God knows from where, a huge crowd got into the bus. I never knew there were so many residents in that entire area!

There were people all around me! And then "thud! thump!" came a huge pile of bags on my lap... I could barely see anything in front! And then a hand behind my shoulders shoving my poor head, grabbing a bar to get balance in the speeding bus. And then a couple of hands more! Wheez! I could hardly breathe!

"Yooowwwwllll" came a cry! It was the conductor. Someone had stood on his leg. The poor soul, I'm sure his legs must've turned blue!

Heeellpppp! Some fresh air pleeeaaassseee!

A stop comes, some more get in. "Hey! My slipper! Get me my slipper!", screeches a woman who just got in. It had slipped of her leg cos someone who got in just behind her stamped on it. The poor conductor gropes about in between the millions of legs like searching for a needle in a hay stack and finally finds it! With a cold stare he hands it over to the lady.

The driver hits the brake... the entire crowd comes tumbling forward squeezing us. I'm jammed against a bar... at that moment scenes of Tom & Jerry flashed before my eyes. I imagined the bar being twisted into my shape!

What's the use of getting a seat in such a bus when almost the entire crowd lands on you with each brake hit, with each turn taken!

All around I could hear cries of pain, curses and what not! All through the journey I kept praying I could get down from the bus in one piece! Aaaaa! That's my hair! Mommyyyyy I don't want to become bald!

Finally my stop comes. I squeeze through people, pulling my dress and purse along. I get down gasping for breath! Escaped for the day... but tomorrow is yet another day!

The Attack of the Acute Viral Nasopharyngitis!

2007-05-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

Yikes! Heeellllppppp! Mommyyyyyyyyy! It's coming to get me again! Noooooooooo! Leave me alone! Get away! Nooooooooo! Heeelppppppppppppp!

Sniff! Sniff! What's that tickling my nose? Aaaarrggh! What have you done to me! Aaaaahhh... aaahhhhhh... aaahhhhh... aaaatishoooooooooooo! Eeps! Where's my kerchief!

I don't feel so good! Wheeez! Cough cough!

Sigh! I'm again the helpess victim of Acute Viral Nasopharyngitis. Please don't be taken aback by the name... it's just the Common Cold.

But this Common Cold is really turning out to be a nightmare for me. Frequent attacks are getting me bugged.

Why?! Why me, Mr. Rhinovirus?!! Yup, that's what he calls himself! The Rhinovirus... piercing its way into my poor li'll nose.

And right now... here I'm typing this blog with a runny nose, sneezing my way to misery!

A Dedication - A Feeling of Guilt

2007-04-28T03:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers: This blog is being written after I read my cousin's blog "Waking up" (http://firstsynn.blogspot.com, The sum of all my synns). A dedication to his beloved mother, Geetha.

When I wrote about my uncle, Venu, in a previous blog, I did remember a series of heart-breaking incidents in our family. But somehow I shuddered at the very thought of writing about them 'cos I didn't know if I would do them justice. Whether I knew them well enough to write about them. But right now I cannot hold back a tear or stop myself from writing this blog.

Words are less... but still... I hope I do justice to Geetha Kunjamma with this blog.

I don't intend to write on how she left us, or left my dear brother with guilt. Instead I would like to recollect the way she has touched my life in those few years.

Come vacations and an excited me and my sister would rush to our native place with our parents.

An eager cousin of mine, that is my Anu, would wait for us so that me and him can start off our wild games and unbeatable mischief and fights.

In his home, a beautiful face welcomed us. A beautiful smile, eyes of innocence, a complete angel. That was his mother, our Geetha kunjamma.

She was one of the most beautiful women ever, not just outwards, her heart was pure too. Her inner beauty was unmatchable.

After an entire day of tiring work she would still attend to us, ever ready, ever sacrificing, ever giving, ever loving.

Everything she cooked was yummy, every word she said was healing, everything she did was enchanting. Anyone could look at her for hours together without turning away their face. Such was her beauty and grace.

I admired her style of dressing. Simple, yet so sweet. She loved to adorn herself with accessories that matched with her saree. And nothing, believe me, nothing ever looked awkward on her. It was like it was all designed specially for her.

She was the first person who helped me wear a saree, I remember it was for sports day. She even told me that she would dress me up on my wedding day. But she didn't even see me get married.

The only dream she ever spoke to us about was the wish for a big beautiful home, which she could keep spick and span and arrange everything beautifully. A lovely life in a lovely home.

After years of keeping this wish in her mind, finally the work for a new home commenced. She was thrilled. But even before the foundation of their home was completed she bid adieu to everyone.

Unknown to all, there is a reason why I have hesitated to write on her and her demise.

Now that my brother has expressed the feeling of guilt in his mind through his blog, let me muster up my courage to speak out the guilt that I have had in my mind since the day she left.

I remember we were to have our Science exam the day she left us. The day before the exam I found myself in a complete mess. I hadn't even finished half the portion. My hands were trembling with fear. I prayed to God that I wouldn't have to write the exam. Maybe fall sick or something.

Next day I really didn't have to write the exam.

But I swear, I never would have prayed if this was the way God could stop me from writing my exam. All I wanted was to fall sick myself. Please forgive me Anu. I swear I wouldn't have prayed if I knew the result.

From then on, I've been very scared and careful in what I pray. I just pray to God to give me courage to face situations rather than help me not to confront them at all.

She was someone who loved to live and who lived to love. Her dreams of a beautiful life are still left uncompleted but I have full faith in my Anu that he will make her proud that she gave birth to such a marvelous boy, capable of bearing so much on his shoulders to look after his family.

My dear brother, please remove that thought from your mind that you were responsible for her going. I've heard that departed souls light up in the night sky as a bright star. So when you look up to the sky next time just remember she's looking out for you, her beloved son, in whom a part of her still exists.

A Brother for Life!

2007-04-23T05:20:00.000-07:00

Yipppeeee! Hurraaaayyy! Yaaahhoooooo! Yes, that's definitely my reaction after a colleague of mine just asked me if Vipin and me were real brother and sister. It seems we look kind of similar!

This proves that no blood relation is needed for someone to become a part of your life. Thank you God for giving me such a loving brother.

A crazy Blog, huh? But not for me! This small incident means a lot to me. He'll always be my brother for life!

Dance Like No One's Watching!

2007-04-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

Life is something to be enjoyed. But enjoyment can never exist if we are too conscious of the world around us. Be like a kid... innocent, frank, oblivious of what others say, enjoying life to the maximum.

Here's how I wanna live!

It's raining heavily. Scared that your clothes will get soiled, or that you'll get the flu?

Just listen to your heart, somewhere inside exists the naughty child that you once were. Run outside, let the rain drench away your tensions and pain.

Someone tells something you don't agree to. You know it's wrong. Are you scared what others might feel if you express your view?

You just killed a valuable view that could've changed things!

You are travelling by bus or train and you happen to hear your favourite song. Your heart craves to sing along.

So what if they think you are crazy, just sing to your heart's content!

Do you wait to be alone to enjoy your favourite comics/cartoons? Embarrased that people will say you haven't grown up yet?

Naaaahhh... read your favourite comics and watch your favourite cartoons when you feel like it. Laugh out loud if you want to.

You hear a foot stomping music? Afraid what the crowd will think of you? People might call you insane?

Just dance like no one's watching!

Don't let yourself regret that you couldn't do something you really wanted to. Live your life, don't Give your life for others to manipulate.

Unforgettable Last Words

2007-04-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

My father's youngest brother, Venu. My sister's and my favourite uncle. A lovable person who always took interest in family getogethers.

We used to see him so less since he worked abroad. But whenever he came to India, he made it sure that everyone got together.

Once when he came I told him I love to go boating but have never been able to. Not one second more did he waste. He took me boating immediately. That was him. A person who fulfilled the wishes of his loved ones. A person who believed never to keep a wish for later. Live everyday to the fullest, fulfilling your dreams.

Few days later he came home. He told us we should all gather for yet another family getogether at my aunt's house.

Strange enough, he came and told me, "Hey you know what, I'm going". I asked him why he was returning so soon. To which he replied, "Who told you I'm going abroad? I'm going, that's all".

Next day, we all did meet at my aunt's home. But, for my uncle's funeral. He had met with an accident. A reckless truck driver had rammed into his scooter. And he didn't even have the heart to stop to help my uncle. Witnesses say my uncle had tried to tell something. But he had gone before that.

Yes, he really did go.

Caution!

2007-04-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

The image says it all. Why write a blog on it!

Treasured Moments...

2007-04-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

Readers please note: This poem, which I've written, has no resemblance with my life. The love of my life is with me always and forever, my dear husband, Dilip (whom I lovingly call Kannettan)!

Tossing and turning in my bed,

Pulling the blanket over my head,

I wondered why I couldn’t sleep,

What was it that troubled me so deep?

I walked up to the window pane,

And listened to the rhythm of the rain,

A gentle breeze blew along,

And now I knew what was wrong.

The night out there was heavenly,

And everything seemed lovely,

But my heart felt heavy, I let out a sigh,

I felt so lonely, I couldn’t even cry.

I remembered the moments we spent together,

Those rare moments that I will cherish forever,

Now how could I enjoy this beautiful night,

You weren’t near me, how could things be right?

I remembered that moment, you held my hand in yours,

And looked at me, as if saying, I’m always yours,

That day, hardly did we speak,

And then a tear rolled down my cheek.

I don’t know how long I sat by the window that night,

But I couldn’t sleep, nothing seemed right.

When will such treasured moments come back to me,

When I can, in your arms, forever be.

Don't expect, just give.

2007-04-16T23:37:00.000-07:00

The nature of a typical Scorpio... Rude, Egoisitic and Stubborn. Isn't that what people say? Isn't this what is written in most of the horoscope books?

It's not being a Scorpio, Taurean or Piscean that determines the nature of people. Instead, every person behaves the way they do when something has affected them real deep. Maybe right from childhood.

Many might not agree when I say this, but this sure is what I feel.

Live life with one rule - Others may never understand you or be there for you when you need them the most. You might be driven away or cursed for no fault of yours. Nobody might ever realise why you react the way you react or why you said the things you said.

All you can do is... just be there for them when they need you. Nothing else gives more happiness.

Don't expect, just give.

Something to ponder!

2007-04-16T03:58:00.000-07:00

I came across a saying which although a funny one really seems true in some cases!

Light travels faster than sound... no wonder some people appear bright until they talk!

True or what!

Thank you, Sir... whoever you are!

2007-04-11T05:22:00.000-07:00

The year - 1986.

Place - Mumbai.

I'm 4 years old. Studying in Junior KG.

As usual, I'm travelling by the school bus. A badge on my pink checked uniform showing my name and residential address.

The place I stay is Vijayanagar. The conductor of the school bus tells me to get down from the bus, opens the door.

A tiny helpless me gets down from the bus thinking my stop has come. It's raining cats and dogs. I look around for my mother or maid. No familiar faces around. Reality dawns on me. I'm not in my home town. The conductor has carelessly asked me to get down at the wrong stop.

I'm now scared. I see a kid from my school walk with his mom. I follow them. To this date I donno why. Maybe 'cos they were the only people I knew there.

I walk and walk... now crying... the rains washing away my tears. I have this huge raincoat covering me.

Then it happenned... I fall into a ditch full of water. I scream and cry. My voice goes unheard in the downpour.

Finally, a man from a mosque nearby hears my voice. He rushes to me and picks me up. Asks me my name, where I've come from. I do nothing but cry. He offers me biscuits. I don't want them. I just wanna see my family.

He sees the badge on my uniform. He hurriedly catches an auto. After a tiring search he finds my apartment. My whole family is out searching for me.

He asks me who else I'm close to. I tell him my friend's name, a friend who stays in the same apartment. He leaves me there. A thankful aunty, my friend's mom, rushes inside to get him some cash as a token of appreciation. She comes back to find him gone. In the evening I see my family and rush to them. I still remember how red my sister's eyes were from crying.

The year - 2006

Place - Kerala

I'm now 24 years old. 20 years later, here I am still trying to recall his face. The face of a person who has saved my life. The face of a person without whom I'd probably be stuck with some beggar on the street, begging for a living. The face of a person I don't remember even a bit. The face of a person whom I don't even know exists today.

How I wish someday I can see him and thank him from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you, Sir. Whoever you are. I shall remember you and be grateful to you for life.

Creative Thinking

2007-04-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

What inspires me so much, to write about this topic, is a talk that I recently had with a certain person who had attended a seminar on Creative Thinking. I was a bit puzzled when he excitedly asked me, “Hey, tell me what all do you know about Creative Thinking”. Seeing my puzzled look he went on to explain to me what all he had learnt from the seminar.

“Whenever you have tasks in front of you, eliminate the most important part of it and think about the other small or nearly irrelevant things”. Sounds silly right? Let me put it in another way. Maybe I could site an example.

Suppose the owner of a particular hotel wants to improve his business. The first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word “hotel” is food. Eliminate the thought of food. Assuming that there is no food in the hotel try to think of the different ways in which people could be attracted to the hotel. This is the situation that the speaker of the seminar put forward. As people sat blinking there he understood, they hadn’t got the point and that they were wondering how a hotel would survive without food. He then asked them, “Ok, most of you must be having mobile phones right? Can you tell me what you like most about your mobile?” Everyone had a different answer. Some said “colour”; some said “light” and few others said “music”. The speaker said, “You have just found the answer to the situation I put forward earlier.”

What he tries to explain is that when you think about improving the business of your hotel, you might try changing the cook. But then... the cook maybe good. Maybe it’s something else that’s keeping the people away. If you try to include music with good sound effects and change the colour of the wall-paint to something attractive or make sure that the lighting is good it might be a bonus point to your business. But that does not mean that you don’t have to bother if the cook is doing his job well!

Whenever you are confronted by a difficult situation and don’t know how to go about it, just compare it to something you like a lot. Just by thinking about the properties of the mobile phone, you could get ideas about improving your hotel.

That was just an example. Your field may be different. But you too could improve your business this way.

Craving for the good old days...

2007-03-30T03:47:00.000-07:00

Gone with the wind! Should I start that way?

Perhaps one of the most painful things in life is that we can never get back our past. Not all desire to go back, but I sure do. Do you?

I wish to go back to the early ages of innocence, when the biggest problem in life would be the school examinations or a scary teacher! Or maybe even the school bully! A big problem in those days, but how innocently sweet when hought about now.

- Chattering all the way to school and back.

- Finding the school closed due to the heavy Mumbai rains.

- Waiting to get back from school to play or fight with other kids in our apartment.

- Waiting for the local bhaiyya to come with steaming hot Bhelpuri or Corn.

- Me and my sister spending loads of fun time together.

- Playing all sorts of wierd games with my father.

- Waiting eagerly for what mother has brought back from work!

All so heavenly and out of reach. Just a strong craving, deep in my heart.

Recognising People...

2007-03-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

"Appearances may be deceptive; smiles may be fake. Don't think that life is a piece of cake".

This is a line from the poem "Life" that I wrote long back. And to no surprise, it still holds true.

One day you meet someone who is so sweet. But in a matter of days the sweetness comes of like a mask, revealing an atrocious figure.

So many innocent smiles fade away into tears. So many dreams of a beautiful life are blown to smithereens. Trust loses its meaning. Altogether, a heinous atmosphere envelopes you from all sides, trapping you within.

How do we recognise people? We are no mind readers. So what's the answer... it's all luck? Well, I'm not ready to be calm with that stupid statement.

Don't be shattered by the wounds someone has inflicted on you. Get up, bearing the pain, find in yourself the strength that you never knew was within you.

God created everyone equal. He never gave anyone the right to step on others. He never told anyone they could play with others' lives or feelings or to take advantage because they were physically stronger.

So wake up... be bold.

To my Husband...

2007-03-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

What good is the sun without its light?
What good is a flower without its scent?
What good is the night, without the stars bright?
Without your love... what good is my life spent?

Babies are God given gifts!

2007-03-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

Babies are God given gifts! I realised the value of this saying on the 28th of February, 2002.

Here's to my sister's baby, and my adorable neice... Meenakshi.

"You came into our life one beautiful day,

And made us happy more than words could say.

Your innocent eyes, your cute little face,

Was enough to put us in a daze.

Your tiny ears, your tiny feet,

Oh! My Lord, you were so sweet!

I beamed with joy as I sat by you,

I just couldn’t take my eyes off you.

When we were desperate, we’d look at you,

Our pain vanished; we received joy anew.

Everything you did enchanted us,

Whether it be your laughter or your fuss.

You showed us what it means to love,

With your gentle ways, like a peaceful dove.

And when our spirits needed a lift,

We'd spend time with you, O God given gift,
A baby so innocent, but so full of wisdom,

To take away our problems, to end our boredom".

Death

2007-03-07T02:11:00.000-08:00

With icy-cold fingers she knocks at your heart,

To tear your precious soul apart,

And take it to a world unknown,

Leaving you behind; just flesh and bone.

Death is what we have named her,

In all her monstrosity, she spells danger.

She approaches you when your time is near,

To take you away from your near and dear,

No mercy does she show; not a second more does she give,

Even if you aren’t satisfied and longer want to live.

Things with life must someday perish,

Is the notion she seems to cherish,

And with every soul she snatches away,

Stronger she gets, day by day.

Smile

2007-03-07T02:08:00.000-08:00

What actually is a smile?

Let’s think about it for a while.

Isn’t it something that makes your heart feel warm,

Something which tells you, you’re away from harm?

A smile says more than words can say,

In a radiant, glorious, vibrant way.

And when your grief is at the height,

A smile can make your heart feel light.

A smile is a language known to few,

A language rich with brilliant hue.

After all, what does it take to smile,

Even if it's for a little while?

So spread your lips and just smile,

See your joy extend over a mile!

Be bold!

2007-03-03T01:39:00.000-08:00

One thing that I have learnt in these few years of my existence is that people who are seen frowning all the time are usually the kind of people who have still not learnt what the outside world is like, the kind of people who have lived in somebody else’s shadow and support all the time.

And people who are seen cheerful all the time are the kind of people who have tried hard and aroused that little bit of courage residing in every human heart.

Inseparable from this sister's life...

2007-03-03T01:35:00.000-08:00

Friends... I have many. Close friends... I have few. But the rarest treasure I possess is a person who's not just my best friend but also my elder brother.

A person who has shown me that it's not essential to have a blood relation to consider someone family.

Although it took 21 years for me to finally get what I've always wanted (i.e. an elder brother to take care of me, to scold me, punish me, protect me, to always be there for me), God has wiped away those long years by giving me the best!

V - Valuable

I - Important

P - Precious

I - Inseparable from this sister's life

N - Naughty!

I don't have much words to describe him... but to sum it all up... I can't afford to lose this gem! That's my big bro... Vipin.

Love to live, Live to love...

2007-03-01T02:26:00.000-08:00

Was Austin someone who could touch other's lives? I never knew. Was Austin someone I could never forget? I never knew. Was Austin my best buddy? I never knew. At least not until he passed away... just few days before his birthday.

Augustine, my senior in college... better known as Austin.

College was over, I had gotten busy with future studies, career hunting and so on. Austin was hardly remembered. Never thought even once about him. 'Cos that's how things were... I was never close to him... just talked and smiled when we met in the college corridors.

He was a fun guy, always a smile on his face. Vibrant, trustworthy, sweet and all the good things combined. But he was never my close friend, at least I thought so. I knew nothing about him, except that his family (Mom, dad and elder sister) were settled abroad and he missed them a lot. And that he had a little pup, Shadow, his only room mate.

One morning I got a call from a friend. She said, "There's a bad news. Austin's no more. It was a bike accident."

Something hit me hard, deep inside. What was that feeling? Pain, anger... I still don't know. How could that happen? I hardly moved or said a word.

Not a tear dropped from my eyes. I thought maybe it's 'cos I wasn't close to him. I thought I'd gotten over it.

A week later I had a dream, a strange one. I hardly feel it was a dream, seemed so real. I was waiting in the bus-stop and there he was, Austin, right before my eyes. I gaped, could hardly breathe. He smiled but my face was frozen. He came near me and said, "Hey, Seema! How are you?" I was still frozen stiff. "Why are you looking as if you saw a ghost", he smiled, "Thought I was dead, huh? Everyone thought so. But I'm not. See, I'm right before you. I didn't die Seema".

I woke up, shaking a bit. For the first time my eyes filled up. Why did I dream about him when I hardly thought about him. And why did I dream that he's telling me he isn't dead and it's all a mistake.

I thought I recovered. It was just a dream. But one night, the same dream came back to me. He told me the same thing, "I'm not dead. It's all a big mistake".

The following morning I spoke to my mom about this. She told me, "Maybe he died too fast to realise that he's even dead. He had dreams of a beautiful life ahead."

I thought about those words. Wasn't it true? He loved to live, he lived to love. It wasn't his age to go. Still so young, such a bright future ahead.

Each and everytime I fret and fume over a problem and I ask God why he's being so cruel, I pause and think... I'm so lucky to be alive, I've so much to do, so many dreams to complete in this life. At least god has given me a chance to do that.

It's been years since he went, all I remember was that it was in November. But yet, now I'm writing this blog about him. I guess, it's hard to forget someone I didn't even know I remembered.

Molu...

2007-02-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Sindhu, my sister... words are less to describe this angel! 7 years elder to me, my elder sister... my best friend.

People used to tease us, asked whether we were glued together, 'cos there we were, always with each other. A tiny me tagging along with my elder sister.

Of course we had our share of fighting, clawing and bashing up each other, but boy was it fun!

A peep into our past: I was born when my sis was in the 1st std. But I never felt the age gap 'cos that was the way she was with me.

We would play for hours with our dolls, making weird sounds and conversations. I would wait greedily for her to come to my classroom and gimme a share of the vada-paav from our school canteen. We never had anything without sharing, even if we got just a teeny-weeny piece of chocolate we would again make it into 2 teeny weenier pieces and give each other.

And did I loooooovvvveee to watch her doze off while she sat to study! Hahahah! It was hilarious!

When it comes to my sister, there's so much to write...

Now we both are married... different homes... although it hurts I know I'll always have my sis and her angelic daughter, Meenakshi (the heart and soul of our family), with me.

My chweeeet Husband!

2007-02-28T04:17:00.000-08:00

Dilip, that is, my Kannettan! He's the best in the whole wide world.

He's the one person, sitting by whom, I feel my entire world is complete.

It's true what they say... Marriages are definitely made in Heaven!

Of course, when I say that, it does not mean that it's just pure love all the time and no fights at all. What's the fun without fights... fights only make one understand how much you love the other.

It's cute, the way he cares, the way he eats (No matter what I cook! Hehehehe!), the way he helps me in everything I do... everything about him is too good to be true!

This is what you've taught me Kannetta...

“Love is something that brings peace to your mind,
Something, that teaches you how to be kind,
Love is joy; Love is sorrow,
Something you can give and borrow.
Love is something that mends broken hearts,
Something above all other arts.”

And if I do have a second birth I wish to be with no one other than him!

LUV U MY CHWEEET KANNETTA!

My dear Bro!

2007-02-28T00:17:00.000-08:00

Let my first blog be for my dearest sweetest brother, without whom I didn't even know about blogging!

That's him, Sandeep by name, but "Anu" to me and the rest of the people who love him.

As he himself puts in his blog about me, "No 5 minutes went by without some serious fighting and hair pulling"! Yup, that's exactly how we were. But deep down in our little hearts, the affection and care was always warmly lit up (though we wouldn't let each other know!).

I remember he used to have his rice with nothing other than salt and I use to wonder for hours how he had it that way... I remember how his tiny glowing eyes would glow even more when he read his favourite comic strips and the way he used to laugh as though no one was around... I remember us building homes for my toy chimp and his He-Man with cardboard boxes and playing for hours with that... I remember us going for painting competitions together and the loads of hours we would spend drawing, colouring and arguing whose was better... I remember the wicked grin either of us would have, depending on who got the TV remote in hand... I remember him and my mom setting the alarm for 3:00 a.m. just to watch WWF!

I remember, when he was staying with us, the day before he left I told him I was glad he's leaving but after he left, my eyes filled up and I regreted having said what I cruelly said. Hope he forgives me for that.

Anu has always been there for me as an elder brother (although he's a month younger by age) whenever I needed him. Although distance has separated us, the strong relationship and care will always reside in my heart. LUV U MY DEAR BROTHER! AND MISS U TERRIBLY, U LUTTAPI!