Sunday, May 3, 2015

Now I know...

I've always been known as an emotional character, who cares like crazy for the people close to my heart. To others, I might just slip by without a word or even a glance, unaware that I even did that.

I've wondered if being emotional and attached is wrong. My best friends have advised me to draw that line between any relationship and that it would hurt otherwise, Yeah, it sure has hurt and it still does.

But have I changed over the years, no. I don't think I ever can. Along the way I've made a mistake over and over again. The mistake of thinking that if I bleed my heart out people would return it. And the outcome has always been heartbreaking.

Today I found a long lost treasure that finally hit it deep into my heart and head that no one could probably be like me. Because I'm crazy, and to be frank, I'm not disappointed.

I'm a kid of the 80s and I believe myself to be lucky. For I did not belong to an era of mobile phones or internet. I was born into a world of heart touching handwritten and posted messages.

This here is what I found today, my entire collection of cards and letters I once received from friends and family. I went through the pile, felt my eyes moist and knew right then that I had to blog about it.

Some of the cards and letters in there were those received after a long wait, replies to mine. Some were Get Well Soon cards, personalized and handwritten. Today we hold our mobiles in hand with Facebook and Whatsapp and go through everything else, except send a caring message. We forget those who are waiting for that because there's so much more we need to finish doing.

Some of the handmade cards are from friends/classmates and it's going to shock them that I have it still. Because since school the contact has been out of the question. I wonder if they even remember. Some are letters from friends/cousins.

Oh and there's also a couple of letters from Uncle Pai, replies to my attempts at contributions to Tinkle.

Now I know, no two individuals can be same, nobody thinks alike, different generations understand things in different perspectives, its insane to expect somebody to think like you, you are born alone and you have to stand on your own and for what you believe in. When people judge you its because you don't think like them. Your emotions, your problems, they are your own. Sharing is good but there are things to be understood even without you saying it aloud. Long back was it possible for you to text or call up a dear one and ask them to reply. It was all hope, bonds were stronger. Happiness is in people being with you and understanding you because they want to, not because you need them. What has to be with you, what has to be yours, will always be. So let go of that thread of the kite you are holding on to. If its yours you will find it some day.

Now I know.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Nonsense Rambling

Been a while I wrote something,
So I sat today to think,
What would I write about?
Into the depths of my mind I sink.

I’m as blank as blank can be,
Just an empty cup,
So I decide to write random,
Rambling what springs up.

This may seem nonsensical,
But I love the evening rain.
Tiny little drops on me,
Soothes my every pain.

And yes I love my scrap book,
Pages of my life.
I stick and write silly and logical,
Feeling stabbed with a knife?

Wondering why you are reading this?
Wondering what’s up with me?
This is just me, being me,
A buzzing bumble bee!

Friday, December 13, 2013


I would someday,
Want tears of joy.
Numb and hurt,
I've been a toy.

I would someday,
Want love and care.
Years have gone by,
With too much to bear.

I've wished, I've prayed,
For a ray of hope.
To guide me through,
To help me cope.

Ironically I write,
These lines today,
The day I chose,

Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Girl with the Scorpion Tattoo!

Years have passed by with me badly wanting a tattoo. My mind full of mixed feelings. Different opinions from different people... Boy have I been confused!

Would I be able to endure the pain? Would my family agree? But then if I did not get it done I would live the rest of my life regretting not having done what I have always wanted.

The first thing that gave me courage was that my family wasn't against it. Yes, they did think I'm crazy and tried talking me out of it. But realizing how much I wanted it they said, “OK, if you are ready to take the pain then go ahead”. Good enough for me!

Many people believe that tattoos are associated with a cult and are considered a taboo in society. To me the tattoo has a completely different meaning. The Scorpio is my zodiac, the traits I was born with, my identity. For me, getting a tattoo done has always been about a powerful depiction of my identity and the strength to overcome the fear of the whole procedure, an achievement.

Even on the day my colleague and I set out to do the long awaited “Art” people reminded us we probably wouldn't be able to endure the pain and if something goes wrong there is no reversing it.

But my mind was prepared. After a long wait the artist arrived. We walked into the studio and sat down on the couch. The first thing we saw was a board with the wordings “PAY AMOUNT BEFORE WORK! PLEASE COOPERATE!” And the images on it... A lady with tattoos all over her body and needles with what looked like blood drops dripping from the tip! Ouch!

OK!!! That was creepy! But then we relaxed... They probably just intended to show the ink dripping. And the paying first and tattoo later caption... Did that mean we would run off when the procedure began??!!

We looked at each other and decided we weren't turning back. The artist asked, “So who goes first?” I stood up and we followed him into a room. Photos of people with different tattoos filled the room. I sat on a chair and the artist sat beside me preparing stuff for the work.

He took out a completely sealed needle and said, “Never go to a studio that says they use sterilized needles. Always check that the needle is a new disposable one”. That somehow gave me a little bit of courage. Here was a man who took the tattoo, not as a taboo, but as an art he was proud of. After preparing my arm with stuff like Vaseline and medicated spirit he pressed the carbon copy of the tattoo on my arm to get the imprint.

He then took the machine. A scary thing that looked and sounded like a drill! He asked, “Are you ready?” I said, “YES!” And then few seconds later I realized he had already begun. I asked, “Is that all?!” It wasn't bad at all. There was no pain, just tiny pricks. Even before I knew he had finished the tattoo, a maximum of half an hour.

I finally had a tattoo. I was the girl with the scorpion tattoo! I had overcome my fear, I had fulfilled my long time dream, and I had my identity imprinted for life.

The entire experience was wonderful and I somehow feel that someday I might go back for the next one!

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Every time you are feeling blue,
Remember that your love is true.
Every time you shed a tear,
Remember, to me, you are near and dear.
Every time you feel alone,
Remember I'm your very own.
Every time you feel you'll fall,
I'll lift your spirits, keep you tall.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Something made me write this...

Grief shrouds the bleeding heart,
In a painfully cold embrace.
Why is it only when people depart,
We sing hymns in their praise.
A little time for love and care,
Is all we got to spare.
Then why in our busy lives,
Do we seldom, for them, be there.
We remember them when all is hush,
For all their warmth and worth.
And then return to the maddening rush,
Life devoid and values dearth.
Strange but true, thus is life,
Less of love, more of strife.
Clear the fog from your eyes,
Say more of hellos, lesser goodbyes.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Scorpio in Me

Linda Goodman's Sun Signs says about a Scorpio Woman...

The female Scorpio has a deep, mysterious beauty. She's magnetic, proud and totally confident. But she has one secret regret. She was not born a man.

I can almost feel the heat from here when Pluto women hear about that revelation. There's not a Scorpio female alive who doesn't think she's all woman, and you may wonder what I'm talking about yourself, if you're in love with one. This girl certainly has enough glamour, and she's enormously seductive. But I didn't say she looked like a boy, nor did I intend to imply she doesn't do a bang-up job of being a female. It's just that, unconsciously, she would prefer to be a man. Less restriction-more opportunity. It's the one secret she even hides from herself, and seeing it exposed won't sit well with her.

Once the Scorpio girl has figured out the difference between blue booties and pink booties, she'll resign herself to wearing the pink ones, because she's fabulous at making the best out of a situation. But pink is not her natural color. The true shade of her nature is dark maroon, or deep wine-red, not a female color at all. However, to give her proper tribute, she's able to make you think it is. I know one who's great at pretending to be a fragile, fluffy kitten. She purrs so contentedly most men guess she's an ultra-feminine Piscean. They topple into her trap and wake up later, sadder but wiser. She is no kitten.

Many things in the book, I have 100% agreed to. But as the author says... "It's the one secret she even hides from herself".

Yeah I do have short hair... I somehow like long hair only when its on some other girl's head :) And I do like jeans more than any other dress. But hey I do not regret I wasn't born a man. To be frank the only reason I do not wear jeans 7 days a week is because it is allowed only on Saturdays to office. I do love bangles, earrings, rings on my fingers and toes and I make sure they match my dress. Yet I'm not the typical girlie character. No much of ladies shopping and absolutely no make-up except a little bit of lipstick when I'm attending some function. I'm no gentle dove... I always believe that being normal is boring. I'm usually the wacky kind who loves a little fun and prank now and then... I see my friends sitting with their hands on their head wondering how on earth they ended up with a lunatic like me. Gee... I wonder why. I love the colour pink yet the backpack and watch I bought ended up to be wine-red as usual.

Yesterday I had left my hair open, wore a long earring, a maroon and cream combo salwar kameez and dabbed some kajal on my eyes. A colleague walked up to me and asked, "Hey, how come you have come like this today?" I looked at her puzzled. She continued, "You are a pretty girl today, usually you are such a tomboy." I still am bewildered by that. I have left my hair open before and yes I have applied kajal too. Then how come that "tomboy" part is so dominant. I can't figure it out no matter how much I try to. But I love to be me... my friends who have accepted me as I am are my world, so is my family. My husband is as wacky as I am, so is my three year old son :P What more do I need? This is life... I'm loving it...